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Or at least, they think they know. BDSM is an acronym that stands for any or all of the following: bondage and discipline; dominance and submission; sadism and masochism. Bondage: This usually involves one person restraining another, although Calvert knows people who like to restrain themselves. Discipline: Discipline is a play activity, usually carried out through spanking or some sort of disciplinary role-play, says Calvert. Pain ranges from very soft, like open palm slapping, to heavy impact, like using a bullwhip, which can leave marks on the body.

BDSM is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage , discipline , dominance and submission , sadomasochism , and other related interpersonal dynamics. Given the wide range of practices, some of which may be engaged in by people who do not consider themselves as practising BDSM, inclusion in the BDSM community or subculture is usually dependent upon self-identification and shared experience. BDSM is now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships , and distinct subcultures. BDSM communities generally welcome anyone with a non-normative streak who identifies with the community; this may include cross-dressers , body modification enthusiasts, animal roleplayers , rubber fetishists , and others. Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are often characterized by the participants taking on complementary, but unequal roles; thus, the idea of informed consent of both the partners is essential.

Contemporary participants define BDSM as an umbrella term for alternative sexual activities that may be considered non-normative by others. Other practices within the BDSM category include leather, latex, and rubber fetishes, body modification, urolagnia golden showers , wax play, edgeplay, pet play, and more. This correlates to the large emphasis on self-identification and self-expression in the BDSM community.